hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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