If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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