happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
