Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
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Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
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I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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