I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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