dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
