It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
