i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I believe in your delicious
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
