I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
