I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
