Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize