so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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