Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
