If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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