The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
