Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
