Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
