I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
