The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
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When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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