I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
