so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
