And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
