My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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