When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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