Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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