I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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