If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
