Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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