According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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