Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
