everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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