My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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