I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize