apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
