DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
