just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
