hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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