So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
