My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
