You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
