She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
