That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
pray to the hookup gods
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
