but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
