she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
