my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
