I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
