The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
