this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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