Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
