Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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