But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I want her autograph on my taint
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
