my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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