you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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