Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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