So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
