she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
