Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
