If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
BRING THE BAGELS
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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