Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
