Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
